Every November our area holds a youth conference put on by a group of youth pastors from various churches, including ours. It's an awesome example of different denominations working together for the good of the Kingdom. This event has grown over the last few years and this weekend we're expecting around 600+ kids (I know, that's nothing compared to some large youth rallies in bigger cities, but for our area, it's amazing!)

Big G is on the steering team that puts on the event, and for the past four years I have played/sang on the worship team. It is an amazing group of musicians and worshippers and I have so enjoyed and been blessed by being part of this team.

Last year, I was around eight weeks pregnant and felt awful, and then by the Saturday of the event, both my kids were sick. I spent Saturday night basically up all night going back and forth between throwing up kids. And then had to show up at 7 or some silly time Sunday morning for sound check, leaving the very sick kids with a college-aged friend (who was very gracious).

The week immediately following this youth conference eveyr year is our district's pastor's retreat, so right after finishing this busy weekend, Big G and I run home and pack ourselves and the kids and take the kids to wherever they're staying for the week. We leave early (like 6) on Monday morning. Last year the kids were both sick the whole time we were gone. We sorely needed the break (my niece was living with us at that point) and yet it was incredibly difficult to be away from my kids, knowing that someone else was caring for them while they were so ill.

I thought last year was just part and parcel of our whole crazy fall, but last night Little G spent a good part of the night crying that either his ear or his tummy hurt. By 7 this morning he was throwing up. He's currently conked out on the couch in a total deja vu of last year.

I'm feeling so frustrated and upset and guilty - is this a 'sign' that I'm being selfish wanting to participate in this weekend in worship and I should just stay with my kids every moment? Is it an attack from the Enemy? Little G hasn't been sick once in the last year, not once, until today. I've got soundcheck at 1 and that kicks off the whole crazy week. And I can only guess that Miss A will be getting whatever it is too - probably right while we're gone next week.

I believe that the Lord, in His great love for us, has plans for us that are good. I do. It is just very difficult to trust and understand sometimes. I am the mom, the last line of defense, I'm the one that needs to be here for my kids when they're sick, and yet I have to be there this weekend. If only I could split myself in two...